Friday, July 3, 2015

July 2015, "Here's a tennis ball. Go throw it at the chickens."














     Wednesday.  10:30 AM.  Bus stop across the street from where I live.  The place where all blog posts begin.  Ground zero.  Directly across the street from me is an employee of the municipal water department, the first I remember seeing in my neighborhood.  It's nice to have the water department come out to see us.  I watch as she pulls out a camera and takes a shot of the liquor store next to the bus shelter.
     Thursday.  8:30 PM.  Rain is coming down again.  At a bus stop at the train station, I watch as a guy with some grey in his beard comes shuffling along the platform.  What he does not have is an umbrella, nor a coat, nor a shirt, nor socks.  What he does have are untied shoes, shorts, a black leather vest, and a baseball cap.  A previously unmatched level of odd.  I am unconvinced that he is necessarily a street person until we are on the bus and he begins speaking with an all too familiar tired and gruff voice.  He begins telling someone how he got "pulled over and they took everything."  Was he on a chopper?  That would explain the outfit, not so odd on a motorcycle.  He says that the authorities wanted to take him to detox.  So he was riding drunk?  The usual story; hopelessly incomplete as to ever make any sense.  They took his back pack and his phone, he says, but I hear him mention nothing about a motorcycle.  Perhaps he means the police "pulled over" to him as he was on foot.  If you are homeless, the police may take your possessions, and even throw them away.  The guy listening to him is quizzing him about details.  He claims that the police opened the doors to a van and offered to take him to detox.  He asked if he was being charged with anything.  When he was told no, he replied, "Fuck that, I'm outta here."  He advises, "If they ever put you in detox, don't let them lock the door on you."  And, he adds, "I've been fightin' so much, I'm already sliced up."

     ...from wild-eyed developers scraping and building as fast as they can, to artists loosing their studios to the marijuana grow houses...to new residents...starry-eyed about Colorado's legendary sunshine and blissfully unaware of the lack of affordable housing...  "...there is no Section 8 anymore...where I go to school.  You can't find a house, you can't really be with your community.  I had to create another life, basically.  I just remember everyone not [being] on the same page as me.  I don't even remember growing up on that block because they changed it so much.  ...you're forcing kids who have lived their whole life in one world to go to an opposite world that is considered an enemy world.  It's incredible to me how a lot of people are completely just leaving out the fact of gentrification as a connection to the rise in homicides that we have.  ...between the ages of fifteen and seventeen...everybody asks, 'Where you from, when did you move in here?'  ...you've got everybody knowing...who's supposed to be your enemy."  Fuller Park has turned from a...hang out into a dog park primarily used by new white residents...  "When they shut down open gym...almost every one of my friends started gang-banging.  We would go in and ask the lady, 'Is there a chance we can get open gym?'  And she would say, 'No...have your parents come up here,...then you can pay for an activity.'"  "And she wanted everybody to do karate!"  "And I'd...tell her, 'Well, my mama can't afford this $450 summer camp.  We've gotta pay rent!'"  ...instead of settlers worried about Indians...now it's frightened white residents posting reports of gunshots on Facebook pages.  ...most students...like seeing...new cafes and restaurants appearing - even if some of those places don't seem meant for them.  "It's actually far less of a community," he says.  "It's far less tight knit.  It's far more separated and split and tense; it's not better.  It looks beautiful, and the lawns are amazing, and the home prices are excellent for the homeowners, and the organic coffee is fantastic - but it's not better.  And I think  we want to say it's community, and it's diversity, and it's city pride, but really, the driver is home value."  .- Westword, 7/2-8/2015

     Friday.  At the deathburger up the street from where I live, and at my usual bus stop, is a homeless guy I haven't seen before.  I first saw him at Mr. Anybody's Dad's bus stop, just across the street.  He appears to be in his twenties, with shoulder length hair which is beginning to mat.  It looks like a black mop head.  His skin isn't dirty.  Perhaps he's an undercover cop.  He's in a buttoned down shirt and slacks, both with dirt all over them.  He looks like an accountant, or a school teacher, months after a nuclear war.  The following Tuesday, it's 10:30 PM.  I am on my way to drop off a document at my doctor's office.  On the bus, I'm sitting behind a trio of ladies speaking of someone they knew.  "He died sitting in church.  He was 72 years old."  I get it.  We pull into a lightrail station.  Past our bus comes another.  Then, something which I have never seen before.  I guy comes hobbling along and yells, "Hey, somebody stop that bus!"  I've been at this station in the early evening, listening to a couple arguing, listening to people talking to no one.  I've never heard this line out of some movie.  From here, to my doctor's office, to a quick lunch, and back to the bus stop. I watch an ambulance come from all the way down the street, thinking that it will head straight to the hospital I just came from.  Instead, it makes a right, and accelerates past me, leaving me in a cloud of exhaust.  The bus stop is in front of something called the "New City Church."  The sign has an outline of downtown, but we are nowhere near downtown.  This is an old suburban neighborhood.  An odd character moseys up.  Surely she is a woman, but looks so much like a 12-year-old that its confusing.  She;s in clunky black untied shoes and striped socks, and a summer dress with a wide skirt bottom.  Her hair is shaved into a bob but much longer on the sides.  There is a trash can next to me with a lid.  It appears to be brand new.  I lift the lid to toss a piece of refuse, assuming that the lid is on hinges.  When I lift it, it's completely loose, and I have to grab it to keep it from falling.  This is obviously a neighborhood where everything not attached will be stolen.  I get home around 10:30 PM.  In the parking lot of a restaurant is something which makes me do a doubletake.  It's a pair of young professional Caucasian couples.  I don't recall ever seeing anyone in my neighborhood wearing a turtleneck.  On Wednesday, I'm at the shopping center where I work.  It's just about 1:30 PM.  Up at the corner, I hear what sound like an ambulance siren.  I watch as three grey SUVs, all with lights, block off the intersection.  A police officer in a white vest comes out and blows a whistle, holding his hand up to stop traffic.  I assume that someone important, out here in suburban nowhere,  needs to make a left.  I wonder who's in town.

     ...your vision...images jumping and falling as though they were being received by a dropped camera, hearing a hundred horrible voices at once - screams, sobs, hysterical shouting...a tiny, clouded voice coming over the radio, "Uh, that's a Rog, we mark your position, over."  And out.  Far out.  ...we had to pass...a house that had been collapsed by the bombing, bringing with it a young girl who lay stretched out dead on top of some broken wood.  The whole thing was burning, and the flames were moving closer and closer to her bare feet.  There was no...hometown paper so humble that it didn't get its man in for a quick feel at least once.  ...tended to be the sort of old reporter that most young reporters I knew were afraid of becoming someday.  You'd run into the once in a while at the bar of the...press center, men in their late forties...exhausted and bewildered after...briefings and lightning visits...their tape recorders broken, their pens stolen by street kids, their time almost up.  ...too shy to make friends...  During my first month back I woke up one night and knew that my living room was full of dead Marines.  ...I lay there for a moment thinking that I'd have to go out soon and cover them.  - Herr
     The CPA existed...in Saddam's old palace...  ...in...the rest of Iraq...conditions generally were deteriorating.  It was isolated from the city's giant traffic jams and shaded by many more trees than grew elsewhere in Baghdad.  Inside the zone, the telephones had a 914 area code from New York's Weschester County...  "It was almost like being at Walt Disney's version of Arabian Nights.  I lived in a villa..."  It featured...three Iraqi maids.  ...inside CPA headquarters the food resembled that of an American high school.  Oddly, for being a Muslim country, "it seemed like seventy-five percent of the entrees were pork or pork based...  I think Haliburton must have gotten a great deal on pork somewhere."  ...some of the zone's inhabitants...  "...very few spoke Arabic or ever got out."  The result was that all some CPA officials knew of Iraq was what they saw on TV.  "...the journalist knew more about the situation than the briefers did, because the journalists moved around..."  - Fiasco, by T. E. Ricks, 2006

     Thursday.  11:30 AM.  I head a couple blocks up the street to a bus stop.  I pass a defunct medical marijuana place, now up for lease.  On the corner in front of it, on the ground, is an empty cat-carrying case which has been there for at least a couple of days.  At the bus stop is a guy who is asleep.  He has a hard hat with him, and he's awfully bundled up for a day which is supposed to get up to 85.  When the bus comes, he wakes up but he never gets on.  There isn't a bus on another route which comes through here.  Down the street, a middle-aged woman gets on with a roll-away suitcase with a duffel bag on top.  The duffel bag is covered with purple sequins.  I pull out my camera to take a shot of her when she turns to me to ask me how I am.  When I tell her that I'm fine, she replies, "Not me,"  and she begins sobbing.  She tells me that her boyfriend left her, that he's an idiot.  I watch a guy help her on the bus with her luggage.  Was that him?  She tells me that she's trying to get home.  I wonder where she lives.  She has a strange accent.  I wonder where she's from.
      Tuesday.  I am having some kind of suburban dynamic experience today.  I noticed on my way to work that the entire sole was coming off of one of my shoes.  When I get to the shopping center where I work, I head over to a clothing store.  It appears to have only women's shoes, but I think that I had better ask, to make sure.  There is never a clerk to be found in here, so I ask the woman at the change rooms.  Nope, no men's shoes, and no place in this shopping center to purchase men's shoes.  As soon as I get outside, I spot another clothing place.  It turns out to have both men's and women's shoes.  I tell the cashier about the lady in the other store, thinking that she will laugh.  She makes a face as if something isn't right.  I have no way of knowing this, but I am about to enter a comedy sketch.  She calls over her manager and asks me to repeat the story.  Well, perhaps he will see the humor.  He immediately apologizes, and wants to make sure that I found some shoes.  he tells me that his store and the other store share a parent company.  This is repeated to me by the cashier.  Unbeknownst to myself, he contacts the other store.  As I am leaving with shoes, the woman from the other store chases me down to apologize herself.
     Wednesday.  I'm on a bus with a drunk I've seen here once before.  Today he is comparatively detoxed.  He is talking to the guy sitting next to him.  He says that, yesterday, he was on his "way to Dennys to get the Grand Slam" breakfast.  "Yesterday was my work day," he explains.  He says that he had a hard time getting to Dennys, because the bus was detoured.  Someone, he says, threw themselves off the bridge.  But, if I interpret his almost parable-like narration, he himself could never commit suicide.  He declares, "I love myself too much.  I love myself too much.  Dennys..."  He trails off.  The bridge or the bottle.  Or, indeed, the Grand Slam.  He has a tennis ball with him, which he gives to a young boy sitting next to him.  He tells the boy that, it isn't the greatest tennis ball.  It's almost as if he's acting out a scene from some old Disney movie.  Perhaps he remembers his own days as a youth, long before he began drinking beer and whisky like it was Gatorade.  He tells the boy to "Go throw it at the chickens.  I don't know.  Promise me you'll learn to throw a fast ball."  I spend the time it takes for him to espouse this equivalent of his Facebook status by wondering what he spends his days doing and thinking about.  Chickens.  I would never have guessed that in a lifetime with multiple reincarnations.  Chickens.  I suppose chickens are where the Grand Slam breakfast comes from.  We pull onto the street headed to the lightrail station.  Last time I saw him here, earlier this summer or spring, he asked the driver to stop here at the corner, where the bus gates used to be before the condo construction was completed.  This morning, he gets up, stands at the back door, and says, "Driver will you stop here?"  The driver doesn't answer him.  I wonder if the driver hears him ask this question every day.  Watch out for the chickens.
     Thursday.  I'm off work.  At a quarter to eight pm I walk through the parking lot of this modern residential shopping center.  It has a style which pulls me back to the days of my youth.  With reminders of the current decade.  There's a flyer announcing a memorial for a fallen local veteran of the war in Iraq.  A white Porsche convertible is revving its engine, as its white-haired driver parallel parks next to a shop.  Middle-aged guys conduct business by bluetooth.  Young guys shepherd their families.  A cool breeze wafts past my shoulders.  The temperature drops as the sun sets.  I am stepping along here in some kind of Caucasian dream world.  It's a fiscal lifetime beyond my own neighborhood of broken people on the broken concrete of those testosterone-soaked streets.  As far as I can see here is all directions are trees highlighted by the setting sun, just like in a Renaissance painting.  It's a scene out of some children's bedtime story.  Friday.  I am called in early to work.  After five hours at one store, I get a ride to another by a relatively new hire, who tells me that she is on a chamber of commerce with a couple of my customers, who tell her that they both know me.  'Oh yeah, we know him.'  She mentions that one is the former mayor of the neighborhood in which I work.  Him I remember mentioning to me who he was in the store.  I don't know how my name came up.  I know that she is in a jazz band.  I don't know why someone in a jazz band is also a member of the chamber of commerce.  But I am going to be fifty years old in a couple of short weeks.  I can't remember how many customer have asked me if I am the owner, one of them telling me, "You carry yourself like the owner."  It suddenly appears to be not any stretch at all to imagine that these people relate to me completely on their own level, on the level of this neighborhood.  These are the kind of people that my dad would have been impressed with.  Suddenly, my bomb-throwing days are but a distant memory.  These are the two worlds that I step between.  By afternoon and evening, I do commerce with local entrepreneurs and former local television anchors.  Then I return to my own neighborhood and its dens of thieves.  If there is a chamber for the black market, I wonder if its offices are the bus benches up and down my boulevard.
     Sunday.  In the late morning, I'm on a bus to the supermarket.  The new, young homeless guy with dreadlocks is on here.  He's in the same wrinkled buttoned down shirt and slacks.  I swear he looks like he has been held captive, taken from some insurance office.  This morning, he's with a young woman who does not strike me as anywhere near homeless.  Also along for the ride is a middle-aged guy with a bicycle.  He's in an orange vest and he has a whistle.  I notice that he can't speak, and when he's on his bike he blows his whistle to let everyone know he's coming.  I don't know why he has to do this, but it explains the random whistle-blowing which I've heard in the neighborhood.  Between 5:30 and 6 pm I head to a new Vietnamese restaurant behind where I live.  It's  great place, and it's always busy.  There are Vietnamese, Hispanic families, and groovy young Caucasian couples.  And this place is jumping.  Monday.  I'm on a train station on my boulevard.  Down the steps to the platform walks a guy with an angry expression on his face.  He's talking to himself.  Another guy, down on the platform, appears to be posturing like he's a gang member.  As he paces back and forth, a third guy has his eye on him.  The train whisks all of us to one end of down town, and I disembark along with a homeless guy in a camouflaged coat and his sleeping bag on his back.  I watch him pull an unlit cigarette out of his mouth.  I head into the terminal to get next month's bus pass.  I listen to a young woman behind me ask the clerk what the fastest way to the airport is, the bus or Uber.  Her flight leaves in less than an hour and a half.  Not including the two hour security line, she will be lucky to even make it to the airport by the time her flight leaves.  With bus pass in hand I hop on to a shuttle bus with a young guy in a tie-dyed shirt and afro.  After work, around 9 pm, I am sitting across from a drug store.  A woman appears to be helping her significant other make his way inside.  He looks as if he is so drunk that he can hardly walk.  She may be carrying a cardboard sign.
     The following day, I am at my new regular bus stop, a short walk from home.  The first guy to stop by offers me his bus transfer.  I've seen several passengers around here doing so this summer.  The next couple of guys I hear laughing before I see them come along.  They sit on a low concrete wall at the bus stop.  One is slurring his speech.  The other does most of the talking.  He tells the other that he went to Sonic to get a strawberry milk shake, because he saw a picture of it with pieces of strawberry.  When he got it, there were no pieces in his.  "That's the whole reason I went there, dude."  He mentions that, when he quit drinking, he went to Dairy Queen.  He began walking there, but it started to rain.  The other one says that, yeah, he goes there when he doesn't drink.  I feel like I'm in some kind of weird fast food commercial.  The sober one says that his wife used to make the best ice cream sandwiches.  She made him an ice cream cake for his birthday.  But, he says, "I got tired of her bitching."  A couple of hours later, I am at the shopping center where I work.  I was skeptical about the forecast for rain when thunder begins crackling across the sky, followed by sheets of rain.  The thunder gets so loud, is sounds like artillery bursts directly overhead.  One sounds like an atomic blast, setting off a car alarm.  At 9 PM, I am back in my own neighborhood.  I usually sit under a tree near the stop for the bus home, away from the bench where the drunks usually gather.  This evening, the drunks are under a tree, and I sit on the bench.  A guy in a wheelchair is handing a 40 oz bottle of beer to a couple of other guys.  One of them comes shuffling up to me.  I saw him last week, I think it was, at this same time and place.  He asked me if I was enjoying the evening before he asked me for a cigarette.  They way he speaks is barely intelligible.  Though he appears to have no trouble making drunk friends.  Upon this illustrious evening, on top of being at the very edge of being comprehended, he speaks is a whisper of a voice.  It's barely audible over a boulevard full of street racers.  "Can you help me out?"  With money.  I can just make him out.  I truly wonder what he does if anyone doesn't hear him and, as a result, doesn't notice him.  So I say nothing.  His response is, "All you have to do is say no."  He shuffles back to the beer tree.
     The following day, I decide to try a closer bus stop after work.  I walk away from the shopping center, and with a few steps I am immediately submerged in a suburb as the sun is going down.  As if I have taken some kind of drug, I am suddenly taken back to my early school years.  A parade of children come up the opposite sidewalk on razor scooters, surely on a last days adventure before bedtime.  Trees, everywhere are tall trees.  From this boulevard branches out residential streets.  Homes with green lawns and lampposts.  Lights will be coming on in the windows as the scooters come in at last.  The bus comes and whisks me off to the train station.  I hop on a train, where I am looking at seven young coeds spread across four seats.  All chatting away and wearing sun dresses.  Six are blonde.  All have straight hair.  The train drops me off at a bus, which gets be back n my street around 9 PM.  Before I disembark, it pulls through an intersection.  At one bus stop on the opposite corner, I watch one of three guys digging in his pockets, as if he is looking for change.  As I cross the intersection, I hear one of them say, "Runner!" I watch as one guy comes running diagonally across the busy intersection.  He passes me and says, "Runner!" before he runs into the liquor store which used to be a fish restaurant.  I look in the drive-thru window as a young clerk with g lasses looks out at me.  I hear cars honk at the same guy as he runs back to his pals.

     When the insurgency launched its offensive in April...  "The April attacks just changed everything.  It was a full-out war.  Everything was allowed.  I remember a company commander saying on the net that he didn't have room to maneuver an Abrams tank.  The batallion commander said, 'Park it in the house, just park it in the house.'  It was like World War II."  - Ricks
     Man I've seen the swat team so many times in this neighborhood.  SOMEONE please tell me why swat with big guns and dogs just came and searched my entire property?
     Guy just ran down my driveway and hid in our bushes.  - Westwood Residents Association FB page, 7/26/15

    Saturday.  I'm off work and at the bus stop.  Parked nearby is a shiny new jeep, or Hummer, or something.  It's called a "Rubicon," and I watch as another with a small open bed is pulling out.  I wonder if there is a new dealership around somewhere.  The one parked has shiny, new "mud-grade" tires.  I doubt if they will ever see any mud.  The following morning is quite a time at the supermarket.  A couple of homeless guys are strolling past, not actually having gone inside.  One asks me, "Hey buddy, got a quarter left?"  At the bus stop, a trio of young adults are smoking a joint.  Another guy, slowly, slowly coming across the street, is both young and homeless.  he has dreadlocks and his clothes are hanging off of his body.
     Monday.  Shortly after 9 AM.  I'm at a bus stop across the street from where I live.  There's a girl at one end of the bench, and a middle-aged guy at the other.  As soon as I get there, the middle-aged guy says what I think is, "Petrified Bigfoot for bus change."  I get it.  I'm supposed to be a secret agent, he's my undercover contact, and this is the agreed upon phrase by which I will know who he is.  I believe that he was actually saying petrified "wood."  He has a backpack, from which he is removing, one at a time, individual pieces of what appear to in fact be pieces of petrified wood.  He is placing them on the ground in a line.  Before I can get a shot of him, the bus shows up.  He does not get on board.  He does not attempt to barter with his wood.  Up the street, I head over to my usual deathburger, where I see a local drunk.  I saw him last week, admonishing me for not answering him.  I saw him last month, with his shirt off at my previous usual bus stop.This morning, he has breakfast in hand.  He's wearing a Tommy Bahama buttoned down shirt, completely open as he moseys away.  At 9:30, I'm at my previous old bus stop.  In the shelter is a woman yelling into her phone.  In the shade, on the grass, is a couple who appear to be street folk.  They are laughing at the woman in the shelter.  "It's not that I'm not talking to my best friend, it's that my boyfriend is an asshole!  That;s my fucking house, and if that twat doesn't like it, I'll show you!"    Apparently, there are both an asshole boyfriend and a twat involved.  This can't be good.  12 PM.  I had a dentist appointment in a neighborhood I lived in for sixteen years.  Opulence, health food, and bike paths.  At a stop for my bus to work, a hefty guy comes along with a bike and sits on the bench.  On one handlebar appears to hang a cap for the U.S.S. Kennedy.  He wears a jersey for the U.S. Navy football team.  On his head is a bike helmet, with a big red light on the back, and an even larger headlamp on the front.  With a Texas accent, he mentions the discourtesies of the neighborhood's drivers.  "And if I end up in the hospital, you know who's payin' for it?  They are."  I wonder how a Navy man would fare on my side of town.  He wants to know what time the bus comes.  I tell him that the #24 will be here at 12:34 PM.  He thinks that I said 12:24.  "It's a minute late," he decides.  "That's why I think that (the transit system) doesn't need a fare increase.  Their service has gotten pretty bad."  Beginning the first of next year, a monthly bus pass will be over $100.
     Tuesday.  I get on a bus with a young woman.  She sees another young woman she recognizes.  They are both strikingly similar in appearance.  Both are overweight, wearing halter tops, and have long, straight, dyed hair.  Both of them have sketchbooks.  One is gossiping about some kind of math class she is taking. They both seem out of place here somehow.  She then excitedly mentions finding an ad for employment at a nursing home.  The other one responds with excitement also.  At the train station, a train whisks me to my bus stop at a private university where I find a spot in the shade.  The rains of the past three months are long gone, and this week is seeing temps in the high 90s.  A cool breeze blows.  What a beautiful day to go swimming.  Instead, I sit next to a college-type in a T-shirt which reads "believe in heroes."  Around 1:30 PM, I'm at the shopping center where I work.  At my usual hang out, today must be mother/daughter.  One pair has exactly the same hair.  And the pattern on the daughter's dress is almost exactly like the one on the mom's blouse.  On the bus, two woman who appear to be seeking independence.  Here, two women defining each other.  On a bus home after work, I sit behind a guy on his phone.  He is seeking clarification for the Holy Day of Atonement.  9 PM.  I'm at a bus stop back in my own neighborhood.  Along comes a guy in what looks like a pith helmet.  He has a couple of tall beers in a plastic bag.  He stops on the opposite side of the tree I'm under to look for something.  He pulls something in another plastic bag out from under his shirt, and ends up unbuckling his pants.  He reaches down one pant leg, presumably to see if there is anything else in his clothes.  He asks me if I am waiting for the bus.  On the bench are Mr. and Mrs. Anybody's Dad.  The Mr. does a brief panhandle out on the median of the boulevard before coming back.  Mr. Pith Helmet spots a car with its lights off, accelerating down the street.  He yells at it, dramatically extending his neck forward, for the driver to turn his lights on.  The couple come up to where he is, and the three of them attempt to make out a vehicle which is long gone.  The drunken woman looses her balance before recovering.  The couple has with them a small black and white dog without a leash.  The dog appears to be the only one who is not drunk as they go on their merry way.
     Wednesday.  10:30 AM  I get across the street from where I live.  In the shelter are four people, spread out across two benches.  At either end is a guy asleep with his cap over his face.  In the middle is a young couple.  The guy looks like a character out of Easy Rider.  The girl, with her long straight hair and sandals, could have walked out of any 1970s TV police drama.  They both are staring into space through half open lids, and appear as if they are stoned on heroin.  None of the four get on the bus when it comes.  Ten hours later, I am watching a beautiful sunset behind the Rockies from the train station.  Laying on the cement, against a chain link construction fence, is a guy who at first glance appears to have nothing wrong with him.  He isn't thin, or dirty, or wearing tattered clothes.  He is, however, in handcuffs.  And three transit system officers stand next to him.  I hear him say, "This is it.  I got no place else to go.  This is it."  A police car shows up, followed by an ambulance.  He appears to be put into the ambulance.  My bus comes and a guy gets on with a two-day old transfer.  He asks the driver where a particular train station is.  It's the station where we are parked.  He asks the driver a second time, and again he tells him, we're here.  I sit behind a couple of guys who appear to not necessarily be all there.  One has phone numbers in black marker on his forearm and hand.  The three of us arrive at my last bus stop a half hour later, along with a collection of others.  One guy I don't recognize.  He has no shirt.  Firecrackers go off across the street and someone from the bench whistles approval.  Suddenly the shirtless guy jumps up in apparent anger, looking at the ground.  When the bus comes, both he and the guy sitting next to him begin half speaking/half growling.  I get on the bus with the pair from the other bus.  I sit across from a guy on his phone, talking to someone about having sex with his girlfriend.  The guy with the numbers thanks him, either for a lighter or a cigarette.
     Thursday.  A quarter to noon.  From my new usual bus stop, I watch as a sheriff department van pulls a flatbed into my alley.  I wonder if inmates are going to clean up my neighborhood.  The following day is the last day of the month.  I find myself across the street at the bus stop at 7:15 AM.  Sitting on the bench is a little woman who appears old enough to be a grandma.  She's in a white undershirt which reveals an assortment of gang tattoos.  Below her grey buzz cut is a black eye.  She offers me a small bag of marijuana, about an inch square, in exchange for bus fare.  I decline.  She asks me what time it is because her "phone's all broke."  I direct her attention to a time and temperature sign across the street.  In a couple of days, I will turn fifty years old.  I own a home which I've refinanced, and I've survived an ownership transition of the company which I've worked for over a decade.  I look at this woman and wonder how she got to this spot.  Does she have grandchildren which she takes to the zoo?  I head up the street to my old deathburger.  Parked outside is a shopping cart.  In the cart is an enormous olive duffel bag with an open cloth briefcase on top of it.  Inside the case is an English language textbook.  I watch the owner come outside and head over to his cart.  I head up to my old bus stop.  Yesterday, I was on a train home with some guys arguing the height of American fighter pilots.  This morning, I walk past a young guy with sleeve tattoos and a Raiders cap.  Thirteen hours later, I am back at the train station, to get on a bus back to my neighborhood.  A couple of ladies and a guy are standing together before one of the women asks me if I " would like a flyer about Jesus returning, sir?"  I didn't think that anyone else standing here appeared to want it, so I accepted it.  Sitting on the curb with her legs in the street is a young woman who looks like a runaway.  As our bus approaches, the driver has to honk at her before she gets up to move.  She sits back down before getting up again to get on the bus.

     Maj. Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman...  Only four years earlier his sanity had been widely questioned.  Now, at forty-six, he was the hero of Atlanta and already..surpassed in popular esteem only by Ulysses S. Grant, and the ruler of a military domain sweeping west from the Mississippi River to the crest of the Rocky Mountains...  ...his conviction that Americans must meet the West's challenge...and make it a viable part of the Republic.  The surge of migration would add a million citizens to the census rolls of the western states and territories between 1860 and 1870 and another two and one-half million by 1880.  In 1866 only a handful of tribes retained the power and will to contest the westward movement.  In the Rocky Mountains they were the Nez Perce', Ute, and Bannock.  Totalling less than one hundred thousand people, these "hostile" Indians engaged the Whites in the final struggle for the American West.  Whites offered opportunities for plunder and honor...  ...after 1866...  At stake were no less homeland, subsistence, and way of life.  Yet only dimly, if at all, did...perceive their final wars with the whites in these apocalyptic terms...  ...the U.S. Army.  ...had followed the Indian frontier over the Appalachian Mountains, across the praries and woodlands of the continent's heartland, finally to the plains, mountains, and deserts...  - Frontier Regulars, 1866 - 1890, by R. M. Utley, 1973

Monday, June 1, 2015

June 2015, It's Road Rage Albino Maxi Pad Wednesday, and "Get That Shit Out of Here"














     ..."life" is actually the intersection and interaction of the four domains of life: work or school; home or family' community or society; and the private realm of mind body and spirit.  ...pulling out your phone while "engaging with people who are present with you" is not OK.  "Consciously and deliberately focus on just one person...  Learn from what it took to make that happen." MODERN MASCULINITY
Untangling gender norms...goes well beyond TV commercials and corporate policies.  Parenting expert and cofounder of City Dads Group, declared 2015 the Year of the Dad...  - Colorado Parent, 6/2015
      As everyone has said from the beginning, television's glory is its ability to convey the feeling that the viewer is in...a real event.  But reality...its time scale is all wrong, significant events rise too rarely.  So we set up an artificial reality...  College football is a spectacle, with bands and cheerleaders...  The idea is...to bring the viewer to the game.  In pro football, you're "dissecting" the game, showing the viewer something he wouldn't otherwise know about.  (Several New York advertising agencies have been touting basketball as "the urban game" destined to sweep the 1970s, which makes the minutes easier to sell; and it's a four-camera sport, with low-production costs.)  ...hockey should be the best television sport of all.  "You can get all the sounds of the roughest contact game there is, and you don't have to worry...all the cursing is in French."  - Mayer
      "The Communists are always able to pick up for "united front" purposes "five Catholics, three Hoa-Hao, and ten Buddhists..."  I have seen nothing to indicate that they would really share mass media...for...establishing a true dialogue, or...allow the creation of "class enemy" parties.  - Raskin and Fall

     Tuesday.  It's my younger brother's birthday.  I came out of work shortly before 8 PM.  I smell the grass.  The sun is going down.  In stark contrast to the past eight weeks, there is almost not one single cloud in a blue, blue sky.  I see the bus coming as I sit on the sidewalk.  The bench which used to be here has been gone at least since this year began.  I grab the pole with the bus stop sign, and it leans over as if it's going to topple.  The ground is too soft to support it.   As it closes in on 8:30 PM, I am at my last train station, which has a clear view from the platform of the Rockies, from here all the way straight west.  My god, it's beautiful at twilight.  There is still snow all over the peaks, thanks to the previous months' moisture.  The sun, now below the ridge line.  illuminates the contrails of passenger jets, turning them orange.
     Wednesday.  Around 10:30 AM.  Across the street from where I live.  Perhaps fifty school children collect at the opposite corner across the street.  At a red light, a driver in a truck is admonishing another driver, in a small car, telling the other driver that he will "end up in jail."  At the bus stop, on the far side of the bus shelter are a couple of kids who look young enough to be in middle school.  The boy is angry.  The girl is in spandex pants with skulls on them.  He takes the trash can next to the shelter and throws it against the side.  He comes running past the shelter, telling the girl that she "better not fucking call the police!"  She yells at him, "Jordan get the fuck back here!"  He returns to throw the can against the shelter a second time.  Sitting inside the shelter, both times the can hits the shelter, is a guy with a blonde buss cut and a football jersey on.  Both times, this guy picks up the can and puts the trash back inside.  After the second time, this guy says, "Do it again, do it again."  When the bus shows up, everyone gets on.  Is it the guy in the jersey?  Someone asks if he can ride just up the street without any fare.  I get up the street to my old deathburger.  I sit at a booth, behind the owner and a couple of managers, who are having a meeting in Spanish.  I watch a big guy with long hair cross the street.  I believe that he lives across the street.  I last saw him outside getting shit from a bald guy who likes to confront random people.  I see the bald guy outside also.  He's carrying a couple of laundry bags.  Over at my usual bus stop, it's a typical day.  Someone honks at someone else.  A small car careens around the corner, cutting off a weather beaten van.  At the green light, a pickup comes drag racing through the intersection.  Carrying a big box of what appear to be maxi-pads, along comes someone who appears to be an albino male.  It's road rage albino maxi pad Wednesday.  The bus takes us to the train station.  At one end is a woman smoking a joint.  She is standing very close to the edge of the platform.  A train approaches, leans on its horn, and must come to a stop before she moves away and it can pull in to the station.  I board a car, one half of which is filled with people all in the same black T-shirt.  It has "xero" on the front.  Where I get out, the bus comes right away.  A couple of guys step through the front door, the one in front speaking to the other.  "Ahhhh, we don't get that many tornadoes around here, ahhhh..."
     Thursday.  10:30 AM.  Bus stop across the street from where I live.  A hippie chick and her hip hop boyfriend come strolling up and plop down on the bench next to me.  She says, "...know when the bus comes?"  She glances at the schedule posted in the shelter, but it's too much trouble.  Or perhaps the case is so defaced that the schedule inside can't be read.  When I get up the street, I am at my usual bus stop with a collection of neighborhood nuts.  A middle-aged guy in a Star Wars T-shirt, a mom with a teenaged kid who has bright pink hair, and a guy who suddenly begins laughing and saying, "Master race...  Master race..."  A guy goes past, walking stiffly.  Another was here speaking with a couple of passengers hiding from the sun under an umbrella.  He comes back by from the deathburger.  Carrying his food and eating as he walks, he is taking tiny steps and has his elbows pointed out to each side.  There's a thin guy in a T-shirt which reads, "run with the pack," who keeps asking what time it is, and id someone sees the bus.  He stares down the street with his mouth open, motionless.  I've seen him here before.  Yet another guy drops by.  He was here last week, drinking a 40 oz. bottle of beer.  He never got on the bus, but he did take off his shirt before moseying on his way with his beer.  He doesn't get on this morning either.  When the bus arrives, we pile on to standing room only.  The driver tells us to hang on.  It appears as if she is a little behind schedule.  Along for the ride is a guy who was trying to hustle someone else at the bus shelter.  He looks like a truck driver.  He says that we are on a "bus to Boulder, a regional bus."  The bus to Boulder is 'regional,' yes.  This one is called a local.  I can just see this guy and his 'king of the barflies' act up in Boulder, with its artisans and college students.  He had better stay here, where it's safe for him to tweak.  The bus stops to pick up a passenger with a walker, and the driver asks those of us standing to make way.  He looks at someone he appears to know, snaps his fingers, and says, "Let's bail.  We'll catch the next one."  So long Fonzie.  We pull into the train station where construction has been going on.  A guy in a hard hat hold a sign which reads, "slow."  We blow right past him.
     I get to the strip mall where I work around 11:30 AM.  I head over to my favorite Chinese buffet restaurant, with its minced chicken.  On the door handle is a huge combination master lock.  Inside are no patrons and a collection of people standing around who appear to be property management folk.  A woman tells me that the place cleared out when its lease was up less than a week ago.  Too bad.  This was perhaps my favorite place to eat in this strip mall.  It was dark, Buddhist, and had a reverent atmosphere.  The patrons sat and ate quietly.  I enjoyed it before the chaos of work.  I head over to my hangout here at a bakery.  I walk in with a father and son in matching outfits; white T-shirts and shorts.  Residents are walking their dogs outside.  I am far, culturally speaking, from where I live.  At work, a young couple comes in to pick up their clothes.  While surely the same age, there is everything different between them and the pair at the bus stop this morning.  The girl is in a cutoff denim skirt, and I suggest that she refrain from bending over for any foreseeable reason.  They tease each other.  Daisy Duke tries to hand me her credit card at the same time the guy tries to hand me a couple of twenties.  Both are brandishing their currency in my face.  They exude confidence, and promise of a fertile future.  I don't believe that the guy back at the bus stop will ever put two twenty dollar bills together as long as fate lets him follow his hippie girl from bus stop to bus stop.
     And I exit work at close, on a bus to my street at 7:30 PM.  May's permanent rain clouds have given way to June's hailstorms.  Sitting across from me is a little guy in a Hawaiian shirt, with a cane.  He gets up and approaches myself, as well as a couple of other passengers, telling us in Spanish, "Hello sir."  He sits back down and stares out of the window behind him.  A woman with a bandana under a hat approaches the driver.  She asks him if he speaks English.  She wants to know if there are any unlocked restrooms at the train stations.  Siting way in the back is a grey-haired guy talking nonstop about the Oakland Raiders.  He exits at a stop, and one captive passenger remarks, "That was an experience."  The woman has a collection of random baggage.  The little guy approaches her, and she immediately moves across the aisle, dragging her bags with her.  Right away, she begins talking to herself.  "You know it's wrong.  These guys know it's wrong.  That's jail time.  That's a felony.  Uh-huh, no way."  The little guy sits down in the seat she vacated.  Another driver has come aboard for a ride home, and the little guy gets up again to ask him where a particular street is.  It's the one we are fast approaching.  The woman has a gallon jug of water on top of a piece of luggage.  When the driver stops at the little guy's street, the jug tips over.  The cap comes off and it spills some before she picks it up.  What a day.
     Friday.  Going on 2 PM.  I'm at my hangout.  At a table are five girls.  One is running out in the rain, in her little hoodie and summer dress.  Pacing back and forth is a big guy with a lunch bag and a cell phone.  He appears to have mental health issues and is dressed in a uniform of one of the clothing stores here in the shopping center.  He sings to himself, "Raindrops..."  After work, I wait for a bus back to my neighborhood at a train station.  Along comes a guy who I used to know as a drunk.  He calls himself Richard Spotted Bird.  But it's been some time since I saw him stumble.  He looks as if he's been to the grocery store.  And it appears as if he has someplace to go.  He gets on a train headed for downtown.  When the bus comes, there's another guy on it who I see at the deathburger all the time.  He wears a tam and always comes in with someone helping him.  I guy gets on.  He's in a leather hat with a brim, and a purple buttoned down shirt.  On his lap is a box with the words "cards against humanity" on it.  I change buses and am headed down my street.  I look out at the gas station across the street from where I live.  A guy is standing in the middle of the entrance to the lot, preventing cars from pulling in.  He's walking back and forth between businesses, approaching cars for spare change.  Next he blocks the entrance to the liquor store.
     Saturday.  I am on a bus at a quarter after 5 AM with a guy telling someone about waking up in his home to a couple of police officers charging him with domestic violence.  As a result, he somehow lost his paycheck and spending the night outdoors.  At the deathburger, some guy sits down next to me to let me know that a girl stabbed someone at the lightrail station across the street.  He's convinced that the police will shut the station down.  When I get up, he tells me, "Have a good day, sir.  God bless."  Some thirteen hours later, I decide to squeeze in some grocery shopping so I don't have to do it on Sunday.  I sit out at the bus stop for 45 minutes and see neither hide nor hair of two buses which should have come by.  Busjacking?  Sink hole?  I know not.  Yet, underneath June's threatening skies, I am witness to a parade of cars, trucks, SUV's, and 1980s towncars complete with huge rims, raised suspensions, or both.  Some are careening around my corner and making jackrabbit accelerations.  Either that, or they are circumventing the light on the corner altogether by cutting through the big lot of the auto mechanic.  And yes, there was a bonafide lowrider.  Yes, it raised and lowered its suspension.  I watch a couple of different pickup trucks do the same thing.  The go past me and, what seems almost like immediately, each one comes back the other way.  Perhaps this boulevard should be renamed "Carbon Footprint."  On Sunday, I a at a bus stop on a corner where I actually change buses at a quarter after five AM every Saturday.  I was just here yesterday.  This afternoon, I'm coming back from an annual summer festival in downtown.  I took a train over a bridge.  Underneath was a walkway next to a river.  the river is breaching its bank at a low point.  Here at the bus stop, I am sitting on a cement wall, right next to a guy on a motorcycle.  His motorcycle has no markings.  He's in a black T-shirt with no printing or pattern, black pants, and black motorcycle boots.  I watch him pick up a mic attached by accordion wire to a radio.  An undercover cop?  Looking for drag racers?







     Monday.  I'm at my usual bus stop shortly after noon.  A vehicle which looks like a delivery truck pulls up.  A guy gets out to sweep up the bus stop.  After a quick sweep, he's on his way.  Usually, someone will come by with a power washer and hose the thing down.  But there are waiting passengers.  I'm just not sure how much the sweep does.  A thin guy with shoulder-length white hair, in a tank top and jeans, crosses the middle of the street and comes around the truck.  The cleaner guy takes a long look at the thin dude as he strolls over to the deathburger.  A minute later, the thin dude comes back with a drink.  The bus arrives.  Sitting up front is a guy with his five kids.  The oldest boy appears to be in grade school.  He's in a hoodie and ball cap.  With a lisp, he is making jokes, commenting on a passing ambulance, waving at the rest of the passengers, and imitating an African-American woman o the phone.  A sits next to his little sister and teases her in English as she teases him in Spanish.  When we arrive at the train station, the dad is bitching at his oldest daughter, who has been sitting silently.  He's ignored his son's performance.  He tells his daughter that she should have folded up a stroller. "Now you're in everyone's way and everything else."  He waited until the end of the ride to tell her this.  When we get to the train platform, the family heads to the other end of the platform.  The daughter remains silent, but I can hear the boy shouting.
     An hour later, I am in a different neighborhood.  At a sandwich place, a family sits around a table.  As they leave, two girls kiss their mom goodbye as their grandma is taking them to an amusement park to ride the bumper cars.  She asks them to remember to each not leave the other alone anywhere.  A couple of young men come in.  They are both in soccer uniforms.  I hear one with an Australian accent.  A encountered similar guys at least a year ago, when the city hosted some kind of international soccer or lacrosse competition, I can't quite remember.  I watch a couple of white-haired guys come along, one holding a baby.  The other, at least, i assume goes by the name of Rooney.  He's wearing a T-shirt with "Team Rooney" on the front.

The store site dark, desolate
A store from a bygone era, standing apart from its sleek, modern neighbors
It's upstanding neighbors that got it shut down
The new neighbors, the recent businesses that are compatible with the people drawn to First Fridays
Yeah, economic development, that's the ticket!
Besides, they were concerned about how the store preyed on homeless people
They said so. Testimony after testimony
Almost cookie cutter
These were good upstanding citizens concerned about the less fortunate
They said so
One after the other they said so  - Get Loud, 11-12/2014
     The food is dirty and rotten, yet it fills our stomachs.  When it's cold outside, we are cold.  When it's hot, there is no relief for us.  Everyday we walk the streets with no place to go.  ...we are many people that the mainstream doesn't want to look upon.  To them, we are a useless lot.  They wonder why we don't help ourselves.  We are destined for the streets, the bushes and the dumpsters.  ...we had dreams.  Standing on the street for hours...  Depression looms in the darkness of our minds.  We begin to walk the street again.  We desire clean food, a roof over our heads, clean clothes, clean toilet facilities, an opportunity to make a living, a place where we can start a new life.  Sleep creeps into that weary spot under the bushes.   - Out Loud, 1-3/2015
     It will be sad for the neighborhood to loose a charming early 20th century Craftsman house.  According to Denver Zoning Code (June 25, 2010), Main Street districts..."are intended to promote safe, active and pedestrian-scaled commercial streets through the use of shopfront and row house building forms that clearly define and activate the public street edge."(Section 7.2.4.1A)  We assume the goal/expectation of the 2010 MS-2 zoning is that residents of Denver's MS-2 zones will be more oriented to public transit, biking, walking - reflecting "Millenials" trend toward eschewing car ownership.  ...about the expected loss of the mature maple.  ...rental residents enjoy daily the "Zen benefits" of this tree in their living environment.  - the profile, 6/2015

     Tuesday.  I am on a bus up the street, off to work at 11:30 AM.  I'm sitting in front of a guy who begins reading aloud from a bible.  When I get out, a couple of local homeless guys  One of them is a guy who, in his sports jacket and cap and glasses, looks as if he could be anyone's dad.  I saw him Sunday on a bus bench at this intersection.  Last night, I saw him panhandling in the median of this boulevard, and I will watch him do the same later tonight.  Today he meets up with another guy.  This one is wearing a black leather vest with a tiny Harley Davidson patch on the breast.  You never know who has a bike.  I got a ride home a couple of years ago when a guy on a bike who almost took her car door off as I opened it.  When I heard him speak, I would never have guessed he possessed the nuanced skill it takes to operate a motorcycle, much less anything else.  If I had to guess whether this guy knew Harley from Barley or not, I would say that the only thing he drives these days are the shoes he shuffles along in.  I get over to my usual bus stop.  A couple of guys are pushing across the street a shopping cart with a huge trash bag inside.  Another guy comes from across the other street.  He is dressed in what appears to be a UPS uniform without any logos.  He carries a black plastic bag.  Next, he is holding a couple of packs of cigarettes.  One of them he opens to show me what they look like, holding the pack directly over the trash can.  They are the brown kind. He asks me if I want to purchase a pack.  I tell him that I don't smoke.  He replies, "I'll throw them out then.  Thank you."  (?)  When the bus comes, Non-UPS guy gets on and shows the driver his transfer, making a point of telling him, "This is brand new."  Great.  Put it away then.  Thank you.  We stop to pick up a passenger with an oxygen tank in a small collapsible shopping cart.  The guy sitting across from me, with a couple of X-wing fighters on the front of his T-shirt, stows a fold-up seat to make space for her.  Meanwhile, I am sitting next to a woman talking into her phone who begins crying.  After we pull up to the station, the driver tells us to "have a blessed day."  On his belt is a hand-tooled leather holster for the tool he uses to punch the transfers.  On the train platform is a guy in a T-shirt with "I Love Bill" on the front.  He appears to be reading a book as he walks a zig-zag path and has a smoke.  A train comes and we get on.  As I sit down, I watch him get out and pick up his discarded cigarette, still lit, and continue smoking.
     Some nine hours later, I am on a bus back to my street.  Sitting in back are a couple of baby-faced guys, each with the ubiquitous baseball cap.  One of them is talking to the other in a high-pitched voice.  "You remember me though?  I was in jail bro.  I had to pay my lawyer fifteen grand."  He purchased something on Craig's List for $4,500, but "couldn't keep up with the payments.."  (A car?)  He sold it to someone for "two grand!  I gave him the deal of his life.  Square business, bro.  I don't want to hurt anyone," (by taking the sale away from the pawn shop) "but I was going to make some money off it instead of leaving it at the pawn shop."  I get out and cross the street to the stop for my last bus home.  A skinny blonde kid dressed in black walks up and lights a brown filtered cigarette.  What is it with brown cigarettes on this corner?  He asks me when the us comes.  He strikes up a conversation with a woman sitting on the bench, asking her if she is drunk.  Her speech is slurred.  She's wearing a Target employee Polo shirt.  Instead of smoking his cigarette, he keeps lighting the end of it with his lighter.  He is listing for the woman his favorite marijuana strains.

     "...the person who "fought off skid row"...helped usher major developments into the neighborhood...which led to the tearing down of most of the neighborhood's low-income housing as soon as timeline obligations to HUD were fulfilled, and developers were legally allowed to do so.  But the "homeless problem" - as some folks call it - didn't go away with the designation of a "historical district" and the introduction of some new swanky bars and eateries.  It only increased, because even though there were countless promises from the city to develop low income housing to replace that which had been torn down for the sale of "revitalization," the city...lied.  So, homelessness grew.  And grew.  And Grew.  In 2012, the Metro Denver Homelessness Initiative counted over 14,000 people experiencing homelessness...  (Then HUD narrowed the definition of "homelessness"...and in 2014...they claimed to have only counted 4,000 homeless people.)  There...still is, only roughly one shelter bed to every 14 homeless people living in Denver, and we have yet to see any substantial development of low-income housing.  ...for a while, cops, neighbors and city officials agreed that it was better to isolate that behavior on one block, than to have it happen in alleys behind people's houses in the neighborhood.  Now, issues...have sprawled out into the neighborhood...  - Out Loud, 1-3/2015
     Many neighborhood associations sponsor a variety of events, such as neighborhood picnics and happy hours, alley clean-up days, historic walks and home tours.  ...a crime report and advice on how to prevent thefts from your garage, a reminiscence about a local cobbler...   ...meet about once a month with the city's major departments...to discuss concerns that cross over neighborhood lines...  ...to learn how to formulate...arguments in opposition to a new liquor store...  - the profile, 6/2015

     Wednesday.  I'm at my usual bus stop around a quarter to noon.  I watch a couple of drunk, middle-aged lovers go past.  They head off to the deathburger before coming back here.  They sit on the bus bench and smooch, before she turns to me to say, "Hey...mister..."  With a modicum of trepidation, I turn in her direction.  "He's my lollipop," she emotes.  I don't know if he will respect her in the morning, because when you are drunk 24/7, it strikes me that there never is any "morning."  Master race...  Master race...

     Today I seem to look upon Denver, Colorado in...a view that arises out of Denver's...behavior toward its lower class population.  ...the legalization of pot in a community that already was rich...  ...and many worthless people have travelled into the city to destroy its cleanliness...  The citizens have gone to ignoring the lower classes, and...whole communities have been formed with the intent of kicking out all of the lower classes.  We are now trapped in a city that will not help...  We are fed...to keep us alive and miserable.  ...an anti-camping bill was passed...with this bill...most of the money from the tickets and other citations has been used to build upper-class housing and a new bus station, that let it be noted, does not even have a pay phone installed.  I...an Occupy representative...admit to representing a portion of the lower classes that exceeds more than half of the homeless.  I wonder if Denver will become the next Detroit...thinking that they can run the lower classes out of a major city.  No longer do I love the City of Denver...  No longer do I wish to be part of this thriving community...Without the lower classes, an city can not build itself.  ...now it has become a crime to stand up to the city of Denver.  ...just to survive a very evilly transforming community.  - Out Loud, 1-3/2015

     Last night, Mr. Anybody's Dad was sitting on his favorite bus bench with a lady who gave me the impression that perhaps he his her "lollypop.".  This morning, around 10:30 AM, the pair is there on the bench.  I don't know whether or not to believe that they ever left.  She has a smoke in her hand and she's wearing a tank top with Marilyn Monroe on the front.  I wonder if she got it down the boulevard from the gangster T-shirt place.  Across the street is a guy who has been flying a sign there for months.  I can see that he is having success collecting money through the open passenger windows of vehicles stopped at the red light.  He is so excited that he spins or waves his sign when he is offered something.  The vehicles then burn rubber around the corner.  For a brief and shining moment, this corner has turned into Sesame Street.  When the bus comes, we go a couple of stops before we pick up a kid with tattoos on the left half of his face and forehead.  And a skateboard.  At another stop, a kid gets out.  He has a backpack with mesh pockets.  In one of them is a bottle of cologne.
     I come out of work nine hours later.  It's pouring rain.  I rode this bus down here this morning, sitting behind a guy in a T-shirt with the name of the place he works for on the back.  I am sitting behind him again this evening.  He is staring straight ahead into space.  At the station I jump on a train.  I sit down across from a guy who appears to have torn a page or two out of a book.  They lay under his seat.  I don't know why I think that the pages are from a bible.  He begins to speak to himself loudly.  "Am I the defendant or am I the jury?  I think I will be the jury."  He lays down in the seat, his head resting on his bible on top of his backpack.  "Something about this man tells me he is not guilty," he says.  "I just fuckin' want a...a case closed."  He and I get out at the same station.  He runs for shelter from the rain.  I get on a bus, and am back on my boulevard shortly before 9 PM.  There is Mr. Anyone's Dad.  He has the hood of his sport's team coat on, out on the median in the downpour.

     After my mother died and I no longer had a place to live, I came here because my adopted son lives here.  But things didn't work out as I'd hoped, and I ended up homeless.  Even though having my son here helped me adjust, the first 2 1/2 weeks were the pits.  Then I met the most wonderful bunch of guys who I named the Wolf Pack.  Nine of them.  ...they had each other's back.  This is where I earned the title Ma of Mom.  See, most of them had moms they couldn't see.  Moms that passed away.  So I became Mom.  When I say my son or daughter, I am talking about my street family, all the people who call me mom.  I actually feel like a great big bird and I'm in their radar and I keep getting hit.  ...I could not find my youngest street son, who was 18.  ...he thought he could do anything and didn't know the dangers out there.  His oldest (street) brother...lost track of him.  Talk about scared.  I walked to 16th Street Mall and sat there looking up and down.  ...another street son found him in five minutes.  ...I cried like a baby.  - Out Loud, 1-3/2015

     Friday.  Goin' on noon.  My usual bus stop.  In the bus shelter, instead of a guy in a second-hand UPS uniform, there is a young guy in a jersey of the city's hockey team.   Instead of brown cigarettes, this guy wants to know if I want to purchase his lighter for a quarter.  Once again, I tell someone on the street that I don't smoke.  "I'm just tryin' to make some change for the bus," he replies.  "I'm just tryin' to ride the us."  When the bus comes, he tells the driver, "No disrespect, I only got forty cents."  The driver does not feel disrespected.  Nine hours later, I am at the corner across the street.  Mr. and Mrs. Anybody's Dad are there with a guy in a wheelchair, who is recounting some story with labored and broken speech, a smile, and a cigarette in his right hand.



     Monday.  I'm at the corner up the street.  Already there is one derelict moving slowly across the street from the west.  Another is coming from the east.  I cross the street heading south with the one from the west.  As I turn toward the deathburger and head down the sidewalk, as most do, the derelict vanishes like a puff of smoke.  Like some kind of waking hallucination.  Coming up the street is a middle-aged guy who is dressed as if he should be in a commercial as a suburban homeowner.  He should be in an easy chair in front of the TV or outside mowing the lawn.  Instead, he is taking small and slow steps up the street with all the concentration he can muster.  It's as if dad sleepwalked out of the house.  But I suspect that he owns no home.  I suspect that he lives in another hidden corner of this roadside attraction that is my neighborhood.  At 9 PM I am back on my own street, sitting at the bus stop.  The bench where Mr. Anybody's Dad holds court is currently occupied by sober passengers.  I watch him as he comes around the corner of a Vietnamese restaurant behind the bench.  He lights a cigarette as a light drizzle falls, and he moseys down the sidewalk in his sports team coat.

     ...once you've carried a dead person he would always be there...riding with you.  ...strung out rednecks who weren't getting much sleep either because they couldn't trust one of their 400 mercenary troopers or their own hand-picked perimeter guards or anyone else...  - Dispatches, by Michael Herr, 1978
     'We're talking about three historic neighborhoods that have seen little or no public infrastructure investment for over three decades.  They've been very disconnected and very disenfranchised from the rest of the city.  There's no way that the city can fund everything that needs to be done."  ...the administration unveiled its master plan for...  New infrastructure...to help connect underserved neighborhoods that currently lack decent bus shelters and, in some areas, even sidewalks.  ...they can't speak for all the stakeholders in their diverse, which are among the last bastions of affordable housing  for lower-income families within Denver city limits.  Different neighborhood associations have come and gone...among ...a crazy quilt of industrial and residential zones not seen elsewhere in the city.  ...baffling boundary descriptions going back more than 120 years, including a reference to a rock marked with an X  that seems to have departed its original location...  ...in the 1960s...  Over the next couple of decades...  Blocks of stable blue-collar households devolved into blocks of shabby rentals and Section 8 housing.  ...it's tough to get a dozen people...the minimum the city requires to qualify as a neighborhood organization - in one room at the same time.  Many don't have e-mail accounts, are in short-term living situations, or don't want to get involved.  - Westword, 6/11-17/2015

     Tuesday.  11;30 AM.  I'm at the bus stop across the street from where I live.  I sit down on the bench at the same time as a tall guy in sunglasses, and a hat with "geeks who drink" on the front.  The morning is completely overcast.  He has dirt all over the bottom of his pants.  I take out my camera to sneak a shot of him.  He sees it and, instead of accusing me of "working for the government" (as did someone a year or so ago), he asks me if I have heard of a couple of different brands of film cameras.  One of them, Hasselblad, I have indeed.  Never had one though.  The bus comes and whips us up the street in a flash.  I disembark with a grey-haired abuela.  We pas a bus bench where sits a tall and lanky guy, some grey in his own shoulder-length hair.  He's in a white hoodie with a green marijuana leaf pattern.  As we walk past him, I let her run block for me.  He slowly leans forward with a friendly enough smile.  He does his best to say something like, "How are you today?"  Yet his vocal muscles act as if they are rusty.  What comes out sounds like a tape recorder with the batteries almost dead.  She uses hand gestures to explain that she doesn't speak English, much less reverse backward-masking.  He acknowledges the language barrier with "unh..."
     I venture across the street to my usual bus stop.  Among a usual collection of oddballs, the oddest (and loudest) is a guy drinking a tall can of Ice.  He's in a winter jacket over a T-shirt.  The red shirt has blue letters, which I can tell spell out, "Get that shit out of here."  He's pretty liquored up and in a good mood.  He's making statements to the effect that he knows what life's all about.  As long as he can stand up, it sounds as if he will continue to say so.  He's conversing with another guy who sounds just as drunk, but looks worse.  This other guy's T-shirt says "Homies" in small letters on the breast.  The one with the beer I haven't seen before, but the other I have, and I've listened to him as well.  His favorite answer to anything is, "Well, there you go."  The one with the beer goes on, not in so many intelligible words, about having a grassroots kind of attitude toward life's (or the street's) travails.  He sounds, as do so many out on these abused streets, as if it surely is impossible not to relate to him.  As if the lumpen, unwashed masses are God's chosen people, 'and check out the 40 oz. I just shoplifted.'  The other one replies, "Well, there you go."  The bus arrives and takes us to the train station, where another collection of odd characters awaits.  A guy in sunglasses and a black three-piece suit stares at us like some kind of 1930s gangster.  It's a train station, sir, take a load off.  Someone else with a face which reminds me of a horse is in a grey Red Cross T-shirt.  Walking to the train platform, I'm passed by a young guy on a skateboard.  His rebellion is pretty tame.  His hair has a little mousse, and the top is brushed with purple.  I wouldn't look at him twice.  A transit system driver walks past me and asks, "Nice hair, huh?  You ought to try it."

     ...ongoing attempts at getting used to...the blow-you-out climate or the saturating strangeness of the place which didn't lessen with exposure so often as it fattened and darkened in accumulating alienation.  He had one of those faces, I saw that face at least a thousand times...all the youth sucked out of the eyes.  The color drawn from the skin, cold white lips...  Life had made him old, and he'd live it out old.  ...they'd be looking at you over a distance you know you'd never really cross.  - Herr

     9 PM.  Back on my street.  Mr. Anybody's dad is sitting o the faux pier of a fish restaurant-turned-liquor store.  It appears as if we had a shower and he can stay out of the rain there.  Soon, he's back out on the median of the boulevard.  Cigarette smoke wafts quickly away from his nose.
     Wednesday.  Deathburger.  Along with the regular who wears a tam, a kind of disheveled and avuncular guy with tousled white hair is coming past the trash.  In his jeans and rugby shirt, he appears as if he belongs on some 80s sitcom.  He has a cane in one hand, and two cups in the other.  One has coffee and the other water.  As he slowly moves toward the soda fountain, he is spilling water.  He stops and bends to get a look at something, I don't know what, through the window.  I hear him say the words "motherfucker" and "cunt."  I try to imagine some 1980s TV sitcom where the grandfather yells, "cunt!"  An hour and a half later, it is as if I have awoken into some kind of suburban fantasy world, but is actually the neighborhood where I work.  It's supposed to be in the nineties today, but in the shade and with a cool breeze, it feels like the seventies or lower.  The day is so beautiful, it's beyond words.  You hope that, when you die, you would come to a place like the outdoor table where I sit this afternoon.  The sky is blue and the trees are green and the day is...perfect.  After work, as 8 PM draws near, I am sitting on the sidewalk of the bus stop.  As the sun sets, I see a mom and a dad, and their young son, all on their bikes.  The bikes of both dad and son have massive sized tires, and the tires on mom's bike are standard sized.  Is the dad bald?  And is the mom blonde?  As they make their way across the parking lot, I hope that they are not coming my way.  They are coming my way.  I think that, between myself and the curb, even these tires have room to pass.  Excellent city planning.  See what a good tax base does for you?  Long after I first spot them, they see me.  I flash everyone a peace sign.  Mom is bringing up the rear as she, with some trepidation flashes one back.  The bus picks me up and deposits me at the train station.  I take a short train ride on a car with, at one end, a young guy and his bicycle.  He's dressed in what appears to be some kind of promotional Bud Light outfit.   A half hour later, I am back on a corner of my own neighborhood.  One car turns a corner, and a passenger yells, "fuck!"  A truck honks at a bicycle in the cross walk with the right of way.  It slows in front of the bus bench and honks again before heading on its way.  Mr. Anyone's Dad is there as usual.  A third comes accelerating around the turn and slips a gear, screeching its tires before the shifter catches.  Five drunks are spread out at and around the bus stop.  One is laying under a tree with his 40 oz. bottle, napping on a bed of stones.
     Thursday.  I hop on a bus around 10:30 AM.  Sitting up front are a couple of guys talking about going to church.  One guy is in a jersey with the name of the quarterback of the city's sports team.  He has Wayfarers on and with his rustic facial hair appears as some kind of desperado sports enthusiast.  He keeps mentioning the "Book of Revelations."  I'm sitting behind a geezer with a T-shirt which has "volunteer" on the back.  I get out and head over to the deathburger, where a little guy comes in.  He's here to pick up the change donated here for a charity. He claims to go to 164 locations a day.  I head over to my usual bus stop.  Along comes a middle-aged guy and a white-haired guy.  I'm not sure if they are drunk, but neither one notices the bus until it is right next to us.  They stop and turn toward it.  The older one is standing right behind the other.  The one in front stands and stares at the open door, and the one behind has to prompt him to g o inside.

     ...the subtle city war inside the war had renewed itself for another day...  ...the...Department of Labor hand announced that..."all refugees had assimilated into the economy," but mostly they seemed to have assimilated themselves into the city's roughest corners, alleyways, mud slides, under parked cars.  Cardboard boxes that had carried air-conditioners and refrigerators housed up to ten children,  most...would cross the street to avoid trash heaps that fed whole families.  ...like sitting on the petals of a poisonous flower, the poison history, fucked in its root no matter how far back...  ...the only place left with a continuity...  Hue and Danang were like remote closed societies, mute and intractable.  Villages, even large ones, were fragile, a village could disappear in an afternoon...  Saigon remained...  Paved swamp, hot mushy winds that never cleaned anything away...diesel fuel, mildew, garbage, excrement, atmosphere...  - Herr

     I get back to my own neighborhood at 9 PM.  I stop into a drug store for a soda.  It takes me just long enough that, when I come out, I see my bus go past.  It's only a twenty minute walk home, but this is an odd season for weather.  The moon peeks through a clear patch of sky as my stroll is literally highlighted by bright crackles of lighting flashing directly overhead.  The air is hot and dry until big drops of rain begin to come down.
     Friday.  I'm downtown at the bank.  At the train station is a homeless guy with wavy, shoulder length hair and a buttoned down shirt.  He looks a little like Neil Young.  He carries with him a futon mattress without the frame, with a square piece cut out of one corner.  To get it on and off of the train, he must board from a ramp for wheelchairs.
     Saturday.  A quarter to seven AM.  Yet another lanky, middle-aged guy with a cane drops by.  He has on a cap which reads, "Ask my grandpa, he knows everything."  A middle-aged woman comes across the middle of the avenue, and appears dressed as if to go to work in an office.  She carries a coffee, and both The Watchtower and Awake! magazines.  She asks a kid in the bus shelter for something from a kid in the bus shelter before running back across the Street.  We get on the bus which takes us to the train.  We get out and I head over to a bench.  The guy with the grandpa hat sits next to me and talks to a guy in an orange vest.  He tells him that he was in an 'industrial accident,' breaking his back and loosing half of his hearing.  "No one will hire me.  I was born and raised here.  I love this town.  Good people."  It sounds as if he sells paintings at festivals.
     Monday.  9 AM.  Bus stop across the street from where I live.  At the gas station are a couple of vehicles, both with their hoods up.  One has Montana plates.  Standing around the front of the other one are five Caucasian guys and a Caucasian girl.  Summer college road trip or are they in a band?  The bus comes along.  In the front seat is a grizzled guy with a big neon watch and groovy sneakers.  Around his shoulder is a bag with a carrying strap.  Inside appears to be his cardboard sign. I get out at the train station which will take me downtown.  When I get down the long steps to the platform, I hear a couple fighting with each other, on the steps I just came down.  She's yelling at a guy named Troy, calling him a "faggot."  I watch her push him off the concrete steps, onto unlandscaped ground.  As they begin fighting with each other, her loud voice yells, "Stop Troy!  Stop!"  She calls him a faggot and tells him she wants a divorce.  My boulevard us a repository for people who continue to use epithets I haven't heard in decades.  From a distance, they appear dressed as if they are both high school aged.  After sitting apart for a minute, they both come down to the train platform and appear to be heading away, down a bike path.  At first, he heads toward the opposite direction before she yells, "Bitch!  Come here bitch!"  I then hear her yelling out loud.  When the train comes, we leave her yelling with Troy standing next to her.

"The Guys"
     I have to go back downtown, where I was yesterday, before I go to work today.  Yesterday, I put $80 into a machine for next month's bus pass.  I got my dollar coin in change, and I got my receipt.  What never came out was a bus pass.  I disembark from the train and enter the transit system station.  I pass the usual wandering travellers and recount my travail to a guy behind a window.  He jumps out of his seat and runs out of the booth, telling me, "Let me grab the guys."  Okay.  He returns with a machine mechanic and a transit system security officer.  The officer stands next to the ticket machine, ready to dispense with any trouble as the mechanic opens it up.  There's my pass.  I had handed my receipt to the mechanic, who hands it to the officer along with my pass, who then hands both to me.  Transaction complete, albeit some 20 hours later.  Never send a machine to do a job which...the guys can do better.  I grab breakfast and head to another train station, where I find a guy with a grey beard in a black fishing hat, black fingerless gloves, and a black leather jacket tied around his waist.  He appears to have a desire to be able to do tricks with a yo-yo which he is throwing.  It does nothing but fall.  We get on the train and I watch him get off a couple of stops down.  He is walking along spinning the yo-yo like a pocket watch.  Behind him is an emaciated guy whose skin has been darkened by the street, as well as given its share of tattoos.  He shuffles along as he smokes a cigarette.  His T-shirt reads, "I'm thriving at the University of Denver."
     Wednesday.  I am on a bus up the street around 11 AM when a kid jumps on wearing an ankle monitor.  He otherwise looks like any other young guy in a basketball jersey and shorts.  What can you do at his age to be sentenced to wear an ankle monitor?  I get out and head to a restaurant for lunch, and then head to my usual bus stop.  In six hours, three inches of rain will come down in forty minutes, and this intersection will be closed due to flash flooding.  It will be the first time when I can remember, in my 24 years in this town, that any part of any street will be shut down due to flooding.  Downtown areas will be shut down and water rescues required.  Right now, it's still the morning, and I am headed past the liquor shop.  According to a neighborhood website, the liquor shop used to be some kind of fried fish place.  It still has a pier and posts with a rope railing.  In the shade of the pier sits Mr. Anybody's Dad, along with six or seven others.  I hear one say to another, "You're in the fuckin' United States of America.  Welcome to the fuckin' party."  (Sittin' on the dock of the flood, watchin' the tide carry the mud...)  I cross the future flooded intersection to my usual bus stop.  In the shelter is a middle-aged couple.  The guy, in a grey tank top and black hat with a brim, is speaking to the lady.  "I said to the judge, 'You want to send me to jail for that, fine.  You go ahead and send me to jail for that.'"  When the bus comes, we get on, and when he pays his fare, he tells the driver, "Gimme a fuckin' transfer."  They both sit behind a sleeping passenger in a T-shirt which reads, "A better TOMORROW starts TODAY."  I'm at work when it gets extremely dark.  The wind and rain come in the afternoon.  It's sometime around 5 PM when I hear the news about the intersection.  On my way home, I am able to grab a bus other than my usual one.  The driver of this one says he is 43 minutes late because of the flooded streets.  He had three inches of water inside of his bus.

     Dawn seems to last until late morning, dusk falls at four.  Everything I see is blown through with smoke, everything is on fire everywhere.  ...above the ground now, in full afternoon light, there is a four-foot stack of C-ration cartons, the cardboard burned away...  The cans and utility packs lying all around, and on top of it all there is the body of a young ARVN Ranger who had just come...to scrounge a few cans of American food.  Three rounds had come in very quickly...  - Herr

     Thursday.  1:30 PM.  I'm at my hangout before work.  It's a beautiful summer.  I'm watching 3 chickenhawks turning lazy circles on updrafts.  Seven hours later, I'm waiting at a train station for a bus back to my neighborhood.  I'm not used to seeing standing pools of water, on the concrete and the tops of the trash cans.  Thunderheads are ever present at sundown.  This is a very groovy summer.  Friday.  I'm back at the train station where Troy was with his significant other yelling her head off.  Today there is a woman with a small blanket over her head.  It's pink with yellow flowers.  She asks me, "How's it goin'?"  "Great," I say.  "Still waitin'?" she asks.  Waiting for the train, I presume she wants to know.  I refrain from pointing out that I just got here.  But I so mention that, "the train runs on a schedule, you know."  I sit down on a bench.  A guy next to me yells across the tracks to another guy on the opposite side of the platform.  "How's it goin'?" he calls.  The other guy tells him that his dogs gout out through an open dog door while he was in the shower.  During the half hour that this guy says he was trying to round up his dogs, he believes that his dogs were laughing at him.  I get in and out of downtown by train, landing at a station where I am changing lines.  Working the platform, hustling for a cigarette, is a lanky guy.  He swings his arms, makes his pitch, tries to sound casual, moves along when he doesn't score.  Some nine hours after this, I'm back at Mr. Anybody's Dad's bench, where both he and a confederate are panhandling out on the boulevard median.  One local guy I rode here with is talking to someone on the bench, who asks about a mutual friend.  "He's probably in detox by now," he replies.  Behind the bus stop is a Vietnamese father holding his crying daughter.  Off in the direction of residential streets, fireworks go off.
     Eight hours later, it's another Saturday morning before five AM.  I'm at the bus stop across the street from where I live.  I watch in the dark as a car comes rattling down my street and pulls into the gas station, dragging it's muffler on the street.  I wonder if its occupants will attempt to make some kind of repair.  Minutes later, it backs up and pulls out, and drives away dragging its muffler. Monday.  9 PM.  I'm at the bus bench where Mr. Anybody's Dad holds court day and night.  Neither he nor his inebriated entourage are anywhere to be seen.  Could it be the full moon?  I know not, but I suddenly smell marijuana.  Now...24 hours later, he's back with his full crew.  There is even a drunk behind him, up on the sidewalk next to the Vietnamese restaurant.  I don't think this drunk is anyone he knows.  This guy polishes off a can, curls up, and it's lights out.  Part of the entourage, a guy in white pants and a white shirt, he gets up and walks around to the side of a liquor store.  His walk is quick with a long stride.  No one ever does anything on this street in a way which most would ever recognize.  He returns a minute later, and a kid comes walking ever faster from the same direction.  The kid appears to have a fifth of whisky in a black plastic bag which he is trying to hold inconspicuously.  In the distance, the kak-kak-kak of firecrackers go off.  A recent local neighborhood website post mentioned an opinion that the police simply 'are not going to do anything about the fireworks.  The situation is, if you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em.'  I get home to hear my street mentioned on the news.  A couple of guys stole a pickup.  They pulled up next to another guy, and the driver said, "Hey, Esse..."  The other truck sped off as it got a shotgun blast.  The stolen truck crashed in the neighborhood I used to live in.